He said it out loud...marriage, wedding, dates and places

Wow..my Somebody actually proposed to me again this week, unofficially that is. Besides uttering these important words to me, he proclaimed his intentions to a previous co-worker. How could I have imagined this a month ago, a year ago a decade ago? It is believable and unimaginable at the same time! So now I am left to wonder...when is this man of mine going to kneel down on one knee with a beautiful ring in his hand and officially ask me to spend the rest of my life with him? I eagerly await the surprise but cannot help but wonder. Will he propose on my birthday, while we are in Seattle or San Francisco or just an ordinary weekend together? I surrender to the surprise.

Home

It's not the home that I love, but the life that is lived there... wise words from Elsie De Wolfe.

This, in love 42 year old woman, wishes that her Somebody could come HOME every night of the week! How naive was I to think that each week our separation would become easier and easier. How very wrong I was! This week was the worst separation yet. Sleepless nights laying on the floor, puddles of tears, heartache so painful my body hurt and yearning so vast that I could not bare to sleep in our bed without him. My heart has not ached and my eyes have not cried so deeply since the death of my brother.

Logically my mind understands that Carl is only two and a half hours away and is not going off to war. I also understand that he will be back the following weekend. I am a reasonable and intelligent woman however my heart has a different opinion in the matter. My heart cries, aches and longs for him to be here. My heart has known no love like this. My heart has waited for him for decades. My heart dreams of the day when he, my Somebody, walks through the door after a day at work and greets me with a smile, hug and kiss.

Until that day, I will try to hang on, be brave and be grateful for the time we share.

He Said - Thoughts Abroad

HE SAID...
Some people communicate their thoughts extremely well, while others have a more difficult time conveying thoughts into spoken words. What ever the reason, things are not said at the moment meant for them. This is not to say they aren't thought or felt at some time and still do, but memory plays a huge part on the selection of words from thought. I know what I want to say but when it spews out even I'm not sure what I was thinking, them forgotten. Probably gone are the memories of the few spoken words that had a significant meaning or purpose, at that particular moment. But new ones always come so as long as my mind is still senile, heck, maybe even then, new meaningful words and ideas will come. All for Francine. Can I name the things I love about Francine? See above! I do know out of the billions of things that make us up, there are none I do not love. No one is perfect but we still love the imperfections others feel they have. Francine says I'm perfect which I am not but those imperfections I see in myself, she still loves. What ever each of us feel about ourselves, someone sees us as perfect. I adore Francine for the person she is in life, the feelings and emotions she feels. Her hair. Her Nose. Her face and everything else. We all under go changes throughout our lives, "under construction" as I call it, so what is today will not be tomorrow. Francine is as beautiful to me today as she will be tomorrow. " I was just brilliant in training until you came along". Carl A Hill

Coffee and Conversation

At the dawn of a new day, one my favorite things to share with my Somebody is a warm soothing cup of coffee and conversation. It is something I look forward to each visit with him. How is it that something so simple can connect two souls together like that...a beverage and words? Perhaps its the simple beauty or the slow soft welcoming of a new day or maybe even the intimacy shared. I don't know exactly but this little ritual is something I shall cherish forever. It is new to me and I want to hold it sacred as if it were a fine piece of porcelain china. Yes, Carl and I have already shared many luxurious and big moments together and they have been BEAUTIFUL. But lets not forget all the simple little things that really make a relationship. It has been a long axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important. Its the little moments that make life BIG!

So today, Friday, the most glorious day of the week; my Somebody is on his way home. Meet me for coffee in the kitchen my love.

100 Reasons Why I Love Carl

I love Carl...
1) Because of the way he loves me 2) He has a kind/soft heart 3) He is giving
4) Thoughtful 5) Communicates so well 6) His gorgeous hazel penetrating eyes 7) His smile 8) That boyish playful laugh 9) His perfect body 10) His eagerness to grow 11) His willingness to learn 12) His humor 13) His get 'er done attitude 14) He is romantic 15) His intimacy 16) His patience 17) His lovemaking skills 18) His delicious neck
19) The way he looks at me / sees me 20) His honesty 21) He is emotionally available 22) His touch 23) His care and concern for my happiness and well being 24) His love of children 25) His writing 26) His ability to express himself 27) His new found joy for life 28) His strength 29) His willingness to let me see him cry 30) His possibilities 31) His tongue 32) His full lips 33) His ability to make me feel comfortable 34) His strong arms that hold me 35) His ponytail 36) His pierced ear 37) His mustache 38) His hands 39) He thinks of others 40) Conversations 41) His analytical mind 42) His vocal-ness during lovemaking 43) His excitement for all that is new
44) He wants a baby 45) His love of music 46) His ability to think outside of the box
47) The ways he makes me feel special 48) His creativity 49) His open heart 50) He completes me 51) His truth 52) His desire for me 53) How he holds me after lovemaking 54) His pronounced nose 55) His courage 56) He is my Somebody 57) His desire to improve himself
58) He is The One I have waited for for so long 59) He is my best friend 60) He respects me
61) He is honorable 62) He is so handsome 63) He wants to move/come where ever I am
64) He wants to grow old with me 65) He is affectionate 66) He accepts my life/family
67) Our connection 68) Balance 69) He is my Soulmate 70) When he surprises me from behind while I am doing something and kisses my neck 71) Cooking with me 72) He makes me feel safe and secure 73) The way he holds my hands 74) The way he listens to me 75) The songs he dedicates to me 76) The way his body fits mine 77) His plan for our future 78) His voice 79) The look in his eyes when he says "I love you" 80) His nicknames and pet names for me 81) His scent 82) He does things without me having to ask 83) His encouragement towards me 84) He is proud of me and my accomplishments 85) His texts 86) His emails 87) His phone calls 88) He makes me want to become a better person 89) We have so much fun together 90) The goosebumps he gives me 91) He is so sexy 92) He's sweet 93) How he looks at me in a group
94) He opens the door for me 95) He's a great kisser 96) He finds my uniqueness interesting (vegetarian, bike, couch surfing, exchange students, etc) 97) He is understanding 98) He appreciates me and does not take me for granted 99) He can admit when he is wrong 100) He loves me unconditionally

His Wish...

Today turned out to be a far better night. After lengthy discussions throughout the day, my lovely girlfriend Francine and I talked about something that would bond us together forever. My girlfriend/unofficial fiancé/unofficial wife is now also my unofficial mother to our baby. I am absolutly joyous tonight, as I get ready for bed, with the thoughts of our future dancing in my heart. I had stopped wanting a child a long time ago and never thought I might have even the remote possibility but now my world is opening up again. I really do want to have a child with Francine. It would be the most loved baby in the world, our baby. When the time comes I will be by her side physically and emotionally through every minute/year. She and I will make great parents and spouses for life. I cant wait to see Francine tomorrow to again express my total love of and for her. I love you Francine.

Our Secret Wish...

It has been decades since I have allowed myself to dream, wish or pray for another baby until this weekend. I thought I buried that desire/regret deep in the hallows of my soul. It was I who wanted another child in my twenties and thirties and often cried about the fact that this wish would never come true. Little did I know that God/The Universe had other plans for me. A power bigger than me knew what I did not know. For It knew that another child in my broken marriage would have been more pain than I or another child could handle and It knew that my Carl was wishing the same wish and waiting for me. And so this weekend, my Somebody opened his heart and soul to me and announced his secret wish to have a child together with me. Although we traveled different paths, we both experienced the same lack and desires and met at this point in which we both embrace the idea of a little Carl and Francine in our lives. And so it is...we leave it up to God/The Universe to make the right decision for us. Either way, we will be happy together forever and will always have children and others in our lives.

Welcome to the Family

My dearest Carl is officially a member of the Papadimitrakis family. This weekend the love of my life entered my world, lived my life and met my family. He was welcomed with open arms!
What a perfect weekend with my Somebody. No two people needed each other more than us to that Friday evening. For the night before and earlier that day we resolved our hurt.
Delicious meals at home, sharing, holding, loving, massages, intimacy, romance, coffee chats together, music, laughter and more love.
As I reflect this morning on this perfect weekend, I acknowledge that I am the happiest and luckiest woman on the planet!
My Somebody and I were meant to be. Each conversation, each day and each connection brings me to this realization and I am grateful.
Welcome to my life, welcome to my family and welcome to forever with me Carl. I love you.

Healing...His Words and Mine

This afternoon my Somebody and I continue healing from our pain. Without his phone we are limited in our ability to communicate, therefore heightening the feeling of loneliness and the burning desire to hold each other. Thankfully the time is quickly approaching to his arrival. Oh how I want to just embrace him and never let go.
IN HIS WORDS...

I am so sad today dear. I listened to our song all the way to work. I am afraid to read your blog because I might cry and I don’t want to do that at work. I started to but decided I’d wait till I get home. I cant take ever disappointing/hurting you ever again. I love you so freaking much I don’t know what to do. I cant wait to be with you this weekend. My heart right now is so lonely, I cant remember ever feeling like this. I love you Francine.

IN MY WORDS...Carl, if nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing? In the grand scheme of things our "hiccup" has happened FOR us not TO us. We are learning and growing in discovering each other and our relationship. I love you unconditionally my Dear One. Today I helped restore my heart by anonymously helping a stranger in need. Between your tender words and my deed, I am restored and full. Please do not be sad. Lets embrace this experience as a learning tool. Besides, this has made me acutely aware of how deep and massive my feelings for you are. I love you Carl!

His Reflection: Windless Sails

Windless Sails
Sadness fills my heart tonight. The lonely nights away from somebody I love are beginning to take breath away from the motion propelling us thru our journey. Restlessly we try to gain momentum but crashing waves block our next step. I can feel the despair in my girlfriends words for the first time, and I am afraid. If I were to die today, would she really know how much I love her, am amazed by her, truly want to be her man. I can't change the way I have been or thought in the past, but I can change what I do and think today. I have found someone that loves me so I don't want to be a guy chasing girls anymore, I found the one I want. There are 6 billion people in this world, all with different looks, smells, feels, attitudes and personalities, and deep down I have always found them intriguing but was regressing into myself too much that I would never get express myself. Francine is opening me up more each day, but at a cost. I hurt her, although unwillingly, my expression was taken in a way I had not anticipated. It's still hard for me, not easy like Francine to express the way I feel about her. Could I be reverting to old ways to deny to myself this experience and not see truly yet the feelings I have for her, thinking this is to good to be true, bracing myself for our end? I don't know but everyday I let a little ore of me out for Francine to see, testing the waters, hoping not to hurt her feelings. Nothing in my heart wants to her this woman's feelings, ever, but tonight was the most horrible felling I have ever had. I took a little of the wind from her sails. I cannot express how sadden I am by that and wish it was not so, but I really do see Francine for her Inner beauty and love her with all my heart. She is beautiful to me. I know I don't say It enough, I probably never will, but that doesn't mean I don't think it everyday. When I love someone, they are all to me. There is no one else. Yes others do exist in the world and I am an observer, but they mean nothing to me as long as there is Francine. I know I will screw up many times, and I hope Francine can forgive me. I promise to never do anything to lose her trust in me and her Somebody. I love you Francine.

The Wind Knocked Out Of Me

A sleepless night after getting the wind knocked out of me exposed my sensitivity, my vulnerability, my humanity. Am I wrong? Is he wrong? There is no wrong or right, it simply is. I know this much is true...I am a woman, an honest woman, a pure woman and I want to be loved the way I love, as much as I love! Proclaiming such opens my soul and leaves my heart in the hands of another.
Dear Mr. Somebody, please handle with care because inside this strong, energetic, motivated, independent, adventurous free spirit dwells a sensitive soul that is not bound by meanness but by grace. If something would hurt you, a strong guarded man, then would it not do the same to me?
The way I love...the miracle, the gift that we call love is so sacred to me that I nurture it, care for it and handle it as one would care for a newborn baby. When I love Somebody my entire universe changes. I become blind. I always see all of God's creatures; tall, short, fat, thin, wrinkles, dark, light, blond, brunette, strong, weak as beautiful beings. But when I am in love my vision becomes much like an abstract painting. These beautiful creatures are not really visible or definable to me except for the one that stands front and center and that is My Somebody. For it is he that I only see. I am blind to the rest. Sure I see their silhouette and am aware of their presence however I cannot see them. For this is how I love and want to be loved.
Is it enough for My Somebody to notice my inner beauty alone? I think not. Certainly inner beauty is the most important matter however I want my love to see and acknowledge my exterior beauty as well. I am beautiful. I have a beautiful soul but I do see the reflection in the mirror that reveals a beautiful shell. Olive skin, perfectly distributed wavy black and grey hair, deep warm dark eyes, a pronounced nose, a wrinkle-less face, curves, softness and femininity.
How I see My Somebody...the perfect masculine body, the most soulful beautiful eyes my eyes have ever seen, a gloriously sculpted face, long curly hair, sweet fair skin, a proportioned nose, a distinguished mustache and delicious lips.
And on this new day at the threshold of dawn I let go of yesterday and embrace a new beginning. Since there is no right or wrong; there is nothing to forgive. It simply is.
I still love you Carl.

Our Song

"Gotta Be Somebody"

This time, I wonder what it feels likeTo find the one in this life, the one we all dream ofBut dreams just aren't enoughSo I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feelingThe moment when we're meeting, will play out like a sceneStraight off the silver screenSo I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the endUntil that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever withCause nobody wants to be the last one thereCause everyone wants to feel like someone caresSomeone to love with my life in their handsThere's gotta be somebody for me like thatCause nobody wants to go it on their ownAnd everyone wants to know they're not aloneThere's somebody else that feels the same somewhereThere's gotta be somebody for me out thereTonight, out on the street, out in the moonlightAnd dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vuMe standing here with youSo I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever withCause nobody wants to be the last one thereCause everyone wants to feel like someone caresSomeone to love with my life in their handsThere's gotta be somebody for me like thatCause nobody wants to go it on their ownAnd everyone wants to know they're not aloneThere's somebody else that feels the same somewhereThere's gotta be somebody for me out thereYou can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting onCause nobody wants to be the last one thereAnd everyone wants to feel like someone caresSomeone to love with my life in their handsThere's gotta be somebody for me, ohNobody wants to go it on their ownAnd everyone wants to know they're not aloneThere's somebody else that feels the same somewhereThere's gotta be somebody for me out thereNobody wants to be the last one thereCause everyone wants to feel like someone caresThere's somebody else that feels the same somewhereThere's gotta be somebody for me out there

A Team of Possibilities

We create our fate every day we live!

My Somebody and I spent most of our evening (last night) discussing noble issues such as life, love, the future, possibilities, dreams, goals and planning. I heard it in his voice and in his laughter that my Somebody was for the first time in a long time excited about all the possibilities life with me has to offer. It brought me much joy to hear him discuss The Cabin, Seattle, Spain and Greece and all the other possibilities life has in store for us. My Somebody is happy and I am part of his joy! What greater thing is there than to bring joy to another persons life? The ancient Egyptians did not eulogize their dead. They simply asked one question as they memorialized their loved one..."Did he/she bring joy to another humans life?" That is enough!

During our late night chat My Somebody bravely discussed personal matters he had been avoiding to share with me. It was beautiful when he softly exposed himself. That takes courage. In doing so he put himself in a vulnerable state. What did that mean to me, to us? It meant that he trusted me with his "secrets". He had faith in me that I would not judge. He believed in me that I would love him unconditionally. He had confidence in me that I might be able to help.

After his soulful release of secrets I told My Somebody that we are a team. We are in this thing called life, together. With love, communication and teamwork all things are possible!

More of his words...

After getting home today I sat down at my computer and realized I wanted to finish what I started last night, Francines' blog. I was already when she told me about it and had to read it right away thinking I had to finish it tomorrow because it was late. So I got Home and there it was, still in the task bar waiting for me. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love come over me when I seen it there. It was like she was there waiting for me. So I proceeded to finish plus she had an addition. After reading them, I thought and felt, oh my god, she writes way better than me. :) ha ha. yeah I laughed too. But I felt at such Peace with her writings, I heard her voice as I read them. I Pictured her face saying them. Her soft lips... umumhm.. never mind. There are many differences in our past history's, personalities, attitudes and pains, but because we are both Libras, we can Balance that "scale" of our lives. The harsh reality of life, draped in an "feeling" of love, pure emotion, and deep caring. I feel like Francine has draped her wings around and surrounded me in her Harmony. I feel this woman's love from miles away, thanks to cell phones, I can hear it. So the few times i'll get to see her, I want them to be special. So yes, this weekend I did plan something, a little surprise upon her arrival and one for later. With Francine I feel at ease mostly, with a mixture of uneasiness from the shock of what lays ahead. I know that what her life has to offer my life, will be sort of a "culture shock" type of drawing out of my sole, and I embrace it. I truly do feel the Freedom with Francine. Freedom to express my self in ways that have been buried inside me forever, and some I never knew I had. I Love Francine for all she is and has to "bring to our table".

The "Official" Ring

This Labor Day weekend, the final weekend of the summer, I Francine received an official ring from my love. This official and precious ring is a delicate white gold braided band with a beautiful sapphire stone in the center. It is the most beautiful ring these eyes have ever seen. Sure there are bigger stones on other fingers but this ring is perfect and priceless in what it represents. Besides the obvious beauty, the true miracle of this ring is the meaning behind it. It is my promise ring, my official girlfriend ring. This ring represents a promise, a love, a commitment, a bond, and hope for two souls who were brought together. And so it is...I am now Carl's "official" girlfriend.

The evening that this beautiful ring came into my life my Somebody and I laid in bed together holding and kissing each other until we fell asleep. Before we left our conscious state, my love, the man I have been waiting for, asked me to marry him in the future. Stunned and so full of emotions I accepted his unofficial proposal. So in one brief weekend I guess I went from being an unofficial girlfriend to an official girlfriend and then an unofficial fiance.

What can I say? How could I have imagined this a week ago, a month ago, a year ago or a lifetime ago? There are no answers...this is a blessing, a gift, a miracle and I am the most grateful girl in the world. Thank you!

As if this were not enough, I gave my Somebody a gift. This simple gift brought a strong man to tears. Moments after receiving my ring I gave Carl a small gift. In the grand scheme of things this modest gift was not much. How can a computer mouse move a man? I guess the answer lies in the fact that I quietly hear this man. I hear him. I hear him. I hear him.

I heard him when he complained about his mouse. He complained to himself, simply talking out loud. He did not know that I heard him. When he uttered these complaints I immediately thought to myself, "I have to get my sweetheart a new mouse". And so this little piece of technology moved a man and revealed how much I love him and how important his words are to me.

Going back further, I must share how this wonderful holiday weekend began. As I pulled up to Elly's home I was guided by balloons and hand colored signs that my beloved and Sidney made. The path leading to the door was lined with heart shaped confetti. I was then greeted with a bouquet of flowers, hugs and kisses. What a perfect weekend. Thank you my love for making my life and my heart so full. All your kindness, thoughtfulness and romantic gestures are appreciated more than you will ever know. I love you Carl!

Relationship Stones

Faith, Dream, Love, Hope, Destiny & Happy...the cornerstones of our relationship. Although you (Carl) and I have diverse views, we both hold these stones close to our heart. For it is I who believes in Destiny. One look at us and our separate paths that now merge, exposes Destiny in its purest form. You my Somebody have a more scientific analytical view on this matter and that is ok. Faith, we both have faith in each other. This issue again reveals our difference of opinion. I, the spiritual being that I am have Faith in a Higher Power. I don't know exactly what that is but I do believe that something bigger than myself exists. Some call it God, Buddha, Allah, or Jesus. My unofficial atheist/agnostic boyfriend has views of his own and I embrace them. I was raised by an agnostic father and raised an agnostic daughter. I am very comfortable with those that have less Faith than I. Dream, I am a dreamer with my work shoes on. I have so many lofty dreams and even more small dreams. My Carl has dreams that have been laying silent in the corners of his soul. He now expresses his desire to let those dreams free and see them manifest into his life. Now at the birth of our relationship, we together are building dreams. New dreams. Dreams for our future. Dreamy dreams. Love, the greatest gift of all. In all of history and humanity the greatest accomplishments, the noblest achievements have been made by love or for love. Love is in our music, love is present in our art, love exists because we exist. And at this, the second stage of our lives, Carl and I have found love in one another. Hope, such an important word with such few letters. Without hope we have nothing. I hope that Carl and I continue to love each other more and more each day. I hope we continue to make each other happy. I hope we can build a life together. I hope, I hope, I hope, I have so many hopes. Happy, we are happy! Happiness that is shared is happiness that is doubled. May we continue to be happy as individuals and as a couple and may we spread happiness to all who cross our paths.
And so it is, these the cornerstones of our relationship define who we are as unique and separate individuals and as a couple. Darling, on this journey we have begun, may we continue to collect stones that reflect and define our relationship. The next stone I want to add to our list is Communication. I am so thankful that you and I can share our true feelings with one another especially in the midst of conflicting perceptions. As Libra's communication is important to us both but as a couple it defines our relationship. We spend hours each day revealing our true and deep selves with one another. With a stone like that on our side, our relationship is certain to succeed.

Connected...Surprises...Family...Unofifcial

We are connected!
Throughout each and every day my Somebody and I stay connected through text, email or phone calls.
Each loving thought I think is energy that flows through the Universe and in some magical way it reaches him. He feels me and I feel him. It is unspoken communication. Today is no exception. Since this morning I have received many texts and a surprise call from my love. His loving words enrich my day and lift my soul. Thank you Carl for your kind and loving words. For they are my greatest treasure which I will hold sacred in my heart.
Today I also learned that my Somebody not only has a surprise for me this weekend but also a gift. I am a lucky girl! As challenging as it is for me to not beg for details and play 20 questions until I guess my surprise, Carl is teaching me the fine art of patience. I am a patient soul but when it comes to surprises my child-like spirit overcomes me. Thank you for the lessons. I cannot wait to be surprised!
Speaking of surprises...I have been working on a big one myself. I completed phase 1 and 2 of Carl's birthday surprise gift and am continuing to work on phase 2. I cannot tell you the overwhelming joy I feel to be able to do this for him (for us). I cannot wait to see his face when he opens his birthday gift. I want this to be the most special birthday of his life! How lucky and I that I can do this for him. Grateful.
As for our birthday...thank you to Carl's parents (who now know I exist) for letting us stay in their Big Bear family cabin. How perfect it shall be to spend our first birthday together alone in the woods. More Grateful!
Sincerely,
The Unofficial Girlfriend :-)

HE LOVES ME!

In his words...

A new dawn is on the horizon and my life, as I have know it, is going to go through an epic change. My outlook, and inward look, on life and people in general, will bring such an upheaval of emotions on to me, the likes of which I would never for the rest of my life time believe I would ever see again. A wonderful person has entered my life. One of caring, nurturing, loving , open and honest passion for all life. Most important to me is that now it is all directed toward me. This person truly loves "me" with all her heart and passion. Her Name is Francine. I call her "Francolicious". The unsurety of my self, has always been something that haunts my thoughts since childhood. But the short amount of time that has passed for us to get to know fully each other, that unsurety is fading. She is so understanding that even if I do fail at something it isn't a failure, at least I did something. That gives me encouragement to try once again to succeed. There are way too many things for me to say, "what about this woman" that I love, all at one time. Although the time we have know each other has been short, there is so much more to know and experience with and about her. I do not see my life from this point on being like it was. Sorry for myself because I have never achieved much in my life but living and keeping one best friend. Withdrawn from contact with people except for work and friends, at times limited by my feelings. I used to be strong and free, able to do anything. But as I grew older those things didn't mean much to me any longer. I saw myself as being a recluse, a hermit, a very closed selfish person. I truly was beginning to hate life and just began waiting for the end. I do truly not believe in a God or Heaven/Hell. There are no Angels or Daemons. Spirits? Maybe. Some energy that our body released is some phenomenon that we don't understand yet but I don't believe it's religious. Religion was something I learned early in life but as a middle aged adult I don't believe it's a factor of the universe. The way we met was not unlike how many others have met, Through mutual friends. Friends are like that, always trying to get rid of you, lol. No, really, it's friends that help spread who we are, like how bees pollinate other flowers. I don't find it unusual that we "hit it off" right away, we are both nice people at heart. So it would figure we could converse rather well when we met. Well amazingly she called me! I didn't think our friends were moving our meeting along so quickly and figured I had a couple days to give her a call but she made the first move. Bold and courageous, that blew me away. We talked on the phone for almost two weeks, getting to know each other before finally meeting in person. Again, not unusual in today's world with dating services and personal adds, I believe we are just two of the right people to come together. Sole mates are two people that mesh together so well that they live and breath each other, and I believe Francine and I do that. Yes we have our differences but who doesn't? Those I think are what create the "mesh". As in a chain link, they are together and separate making one. I still have fears, maybe anxiety, of the future that lay head for me but I am very eager to see. Not like me at all, alone, but with Francine I see a bright shining star leading my sole into a area that has yet to be explored, and I go willingly and freely unable to resist the feelings of joy and harmony that overcome me every second. I wish to explore every feeling that Francine brings out and has in our future. Speaking of the future, what do I see? Well, truly? Marriage. I not only see it I feel it with every fiber of my being. Every molecule of my human life form. This woman is incredible, everything I want and need in a life partner. The one person we all look for in our lives to make us whole. I see adventure and exploration of feelings and thoughts becoming one. Time will slow down while we are together living and loving life as freely and passionately as two soles could together. I love this woman, this very special woman named Francine very very much. I would give my life for her but want every minute of what is left, to be with her. Carl A. Hill

The Meeting

Finally we meet!

The plan was for Carl and I to meet half-way between his home/work and my home. And so our sacred meeting place, a landmark for which I will be grateful for my entire life, was Valencia. It is difficult to remember that day as my mind was racing, my heart was anxious and my body was on overdrive. Periodically I would stare at the clock and count the hours until I was face to face with this man that I have fallen in love with. How is that possible? I don't have the answers but know our feelings are true. When the time arrived I jumped into my car on a road that will forever change my life. Never has black asphalt and white paint meant more to any human soul as it did for me that evening. My arrival was early so I planned and prepared for a few surprises for Carl. He was at the hotel arranging surprises of his own. Oh the anticipation! As I left with a picnic basket full of nourishing foods and a bag covered with gifts for my love. As the sun left my side of the hemisphere and gleefully awoke souls on the other side of the planet, my phone rang. It was my Carl, my Somebody! The call I had waited for my entire life. The call of all calls. It was time. With a full heart, a loaded car and palpable anxiousness I drove to meet my love for the first time. As I slowly pulled up to his truck, I was guided in by two huge balloons, our song playing out loud and a bouquet of red long stem roses. I was the plane; he, his gifts and his truck were the lighted airstrip. I found my way home. Trembling, we walked towards each other and embraced. I remember his first touch, our first kiss and staring into his eyes so deeply that I felt it at the core of my being. As long as I live I shall never forget that moment or the moments that followed. We walked together to our room which welcomed me with a bottle of champagne and rose petals on the bed. "Is this real, am I dreaming" were thoughts that circled my mind. Whatever it is...thank you God/Universe! I humbly thank you for this gift!

The moments, hours and days that followed were so gentle, passionate and full that one could not write about them in one day. It is the stuff in which books are written, poetry is recited and grand opuses are conducted. This I know for sure: I love and am loved.

It was difficult for me to leave Carl that Sunday. How can I wait until our next "meeting" when all I do is think of him, want him and need him? This is our meantime, our for now until the day comes that we wake up together each and every day.

I love you Carl! I miss you Carl!

xoxo

The Story of Somebody

And so the story began, days before August 18th 2009 two friends sat together and shared as close friends often do. From nowhere my Pammy had an enlightened match-making thought of introducing two souls to one another. At that very moment, so minuscule in comparison to all eternity, my Somebody entered my life.

After days of talking and negotiating, our match-makers inspired me to call him. There began the true journey. On that first day, the evening of August 18th Carl and I spent hours talking on the phone. It was during that conversation I knew my path had changed. In the days to follow Carl and I were either texting or on the phone learning more and more about each other. How could it be possible that I can spend so much of my time with a person I had not formally met? How could I crave, need, desire and eagerly await our next conversation as if I have known this Somebody my entire life? How could he, a man, want the same? This sharing, this depth, this emotion is new to me. I am not afraid. It is right. It is a gift. It is a miracle. It is a blessing. It is love. It is magic. It is bigger than us.

Who is this Somebody? He is my dove with a wounded wing. He is my North star that helps me navigate. He is my love.