His Reflection: Windless Sails

Windless Sails
Sadness fills my heart tonight. The lonely nights away from somebody I love are beginning to take breath away from the motion propelling us thru our journey. Restlessly we try to gain momentum but crashing waves block our next step. I can feel the despair in my girlfriends words for the first time, and I am afraid. If I were to die today, would she really know how much I love her, am amazed by her, truly want to be her man. I can't change the way I have been or thought in the past, but I can change what I do and think today. I have found someone that loves me so I don't want to be a guy chasing girls anymore, I found the one I want. There are 6 billion people in this world, all with different looks, smells, feels, attitudes and personalities, and deep down I have always found them intriguing but was regressing into myself too much that I would never get express myself. Francine is opening me up more each day, but at a cost. I hurt her, although unwillingly, my expression was taken in a way I had not anticipated. It's still hard for me, not easy like Francine to express the way I feel about her. Could I be reverting to old ways to deny to myself this experience and not see truly yet the feelings I have for her, thinking this is to good to be true, bracing myself for our end? I don't know but everyday I let a little ore of me out for Francine to see, testing the waters, hoping not to hurt her feelings. Nothing in my heart wants to her this woman's feelings, ever, but tonight was the most horrible felling I have ever had. I took a little of the wind from her sails. I cannot express how sadden I am by that and wish it was not so, but I really do see Francine for her Inner beauty and love her with all my heart. She is beautiful to me. I know I don't say It enough, I probably never will, but that doesn't mean I don't think it everyday. When I love someone, they are all to me. There is no one else. Yes others do exist in the world and I am an observer, but they mean nothing to me as long as there is Francine. I know I will screw up many times, and I hope Francine can forgive me. I promise to never do anything to lose her trust in me and her Somebody. I love you Francine.